I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sorry about my life...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
