After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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