Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
