You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Randomize
