I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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