dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
