If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
