im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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