And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
