We're like a lot better than the average bears
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
where does the pee come out of this thing
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
