Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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