I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
