I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
