I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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