i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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