Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
