Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
