A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
