Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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