Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
