all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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