You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
