How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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