summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
