we have pet lesbian snakes
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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