My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
