It was confusing and full of hummus
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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