I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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