He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
