Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
