Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
