turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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