I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
