He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
