I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
