I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
