When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
