I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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