I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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