I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
