WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
