I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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