i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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