FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
