Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
