we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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