38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
