I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So squirting runs in the family.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
