so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
