I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
