I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just pee around me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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