I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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