Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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