just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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