Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
