My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
