so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
