I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
