hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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