haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
